Friday, February 26, 2010

Still going

Despite the sickness, stress, and busy weekend, I am down .8 from last week to 153.2! I can see 150 approaching and its very exciting. I cant believe that I spent a year trying to lose 10 pounds and here Ive lost 7 pounds in 2 months. I guess it goes to show just how much tracking your calories and working out really pays off. I still that sense of, will this be the last week? But just like it was in the beginning, every week I see results.

I am definitely having better body image. While I was certainly happy to be at 160 (because compared to 226, how could I not be?), but I still felt like I looked overweight. With all the exercise Ive been doing and the weight coming off, my clothes fit a lot better and I feel like things are more toned up overall. Im starting to see myself as just a regular person, rather than someone who was overweight. I hated how I felt that identified me as a person. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when I was hanging out with some friends. It was a couples thing so my friend was there with her boyfriend who I hadnt see in almost a year. When he had met me 2.5 yrs prior to that, I was at my heaviest weight. While at this get together, he pulled me aside and said, you used to be really big - I notice that you have lost a lot of weight. While I appreciated that he could see the weight loss, it bothered me to think that was all he remembered of me, just another fat girl. Im still the same person, just a lot lighter. Its hard for me to be around people who have only known me as fat, because they think that this lighter person must be some new thing that I revel in. Sure I am so happy to be where I am at, but I wasnt always this way, and I dont believe that one you are fat, you are fat forever. Fat does not and never will define me. I happened to be fat for a while, now Im not. It happens. I dont want to see myself as that person, and I really dont want others to see me that way either. Inside, Ive always been this person and thats all that should matter.

In wedding news, we did find a florist last weekend so another thing checked off the list! We went to two and both were great and affordable, but one place gave me a better visual idea of what everything will look like, so we chose them. I will have a bouquet with deep orange calla lillies, orange asian lilies, orange roses, and green berries and filler. My bridesmaids (who are wearing chocolate brown and fern green by the way), will have orange asian lilies with a green bow. My fiance's boutonierre will be a deep orange calla lily, and the rest of the groomsman will have orange roses. Should look real nice for fall. Other than the limo service, we have booked all of our vendors, which is so wonderful because I am really tired of going out to visit vendors. Sure its fun in the beginning, but when you work 10-12 hr days and only get 2 days on the weekend, its not always fun to spend those 2 days driving all over the place. I will be so glad when its Oct. and I can just get married already!


metro15 said...

Way to go! You're doing really well. And very good point on your body. You're still the same person, you just look a little different. It can be frustrating when people focus on that.

MB said...

Glad to hear things are going smoothly with the wedding planning. I love the colors you chose for the dresses and flowers. It will be beautiful in the fall. Hope you get to relax this weekend.

Lady Vea said...

Yay for your loss!!! You are a rock star. And I agree, just a couple of weeks can undo months of work, it is so unfair, but bravo for you, I am so glad your feeling the difference in your clothes.

About the “fat girl” thing, I have to say it is so hard to deal with, I agree so much with what you wrote. I am just me, I always was me and I will always just be me. I was quite slim only 6 years ago, and I was never very heavy growing up, just average, slightly curvy, but in university I was slim, trim, and mean muscle. I have had to get used to the way people treat me differently, like for instance when someone tells other (thin) people how great they look, and then says to me something like, “Oh and your hair/eyes/lips is/are just beautiful.” Because they can’t say that __I__ am beautiful just as a whole. Also how people just don’t notice you that much. The worst thing for me to deal with is that I FEEL the same inside, and sometime I will be rocking a new outfit and just feel sexy and myself and comfortable in my own skin, the way I used to be, and then I will see myself in a store front or something and just be shocked at how little my reflection represents how I feel inside about appearance. It is so disarming, and then I think everyone probably is looking at me thinking I am nuts to think I am all that when THIS is what they are seeing (not what I see in my mind’s eye when I forget how fat I am). But like you said... I am still ME inside, so what if I am fat, why can’t they see that?

On the wedding - it sounds absolutely gorgeous!

Sam said...

Hello, i have just started following your blog, i have recently started to seriously lose weight, after many start and stop attempts! You have done brilliantly, and i shall take you as inspiration on my journey, indeed, im needing something to keep me going at the moment! Well Done!