Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Real Body

Well I am up .4 today for no apparent reason. Its kind of funny because I was actually feeling great this week, and thought I would see something good on the scale. Just to cover my bases, I was actually being super careful about everything that went in my mouth thinking that maybe Ive been missing something these past few weeks. Well apparently being super careful cost me .4.

Moving on though, I got a lot of great comments on my last post. I got a lot of advice about ignoring the scale, which is really the point I am at. I think some people still believe Im caught up in it, but my frustration stems from the fact that I did focus so much on my body rather than weight, and my body didnt respond either.

I got a lot of comments about the body that I think I want. Its interesting because what I used to want before and what I want now are different. Before I just wanted to be thin. I would look at thin waists and legs and stomachs and think, thats what I want. Now, the body that I visualize is strong. Its muscular. It may sound cheesy, but when i see a commercial for nike or under armour, all I want is a body like that. It may not be the thinnest body, but its toned and at top notch. That is what i would like to achieve.

I think its great that people think i do have that perfect body. The reality is, with clothes on, my body is not so bad. But with swimsuit and summer season approaching, more clothes come off and my untoned body really shows.

What I really want is to be able to wear shorts. To wear shorts and not sit down and have my thighs stick out. Even now wearing jeans when I sit down, my thighs look so huge and strain against the material. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and not be all jiggly when I walk.

So I did something brave - I took pics of myself in my sports bra and shorts. This is me - the real me. To me when I see these pictures, i see the wide hips that is mostly just skin sitting there. I see from the side pics someone who needs to work on their stomach. Maybe its just me, but those are the places that need some work. Im not expecting to have no hips and a 6 pack, but those areas could be slimmer, and these are the parts to which I am referring to that I want to change.

Im cutting my head off in case this ever pops up in cyberland because this is probably the least amount of clothes I have ever had on in pictures Im showing others, but if those on the BL can do it, I guess I too:

So thats it - thats me. I know some people may say, god I would kill to have that body. And 50 pounds ago, I would probably have said the same thing. But Im working hard, and this isnt what I had envisioned. Its not whining, its just how I feel.


Crystal said...

You look great girl. I'm proud of you :)

Doug said...

Ow ow!

I would def. fight over who gets to talk to you at the bar with friends, if that helps.

Achieving the Real Me said...

Yes, you are right! I would love to be in your position right now. But I also understand that you made it through the weight loss challenge (with flying colors) and you are now on to the "firming" issue. So, you think you have excess skin ("hips that is mostly just skin sitting there"). If you read information about people who lose a significant amount of weight in a relatively short amount of time (you qualify), they are advised by doctors that they shouldn't try any cosmetic surgery for at least a year (preferably two) so their skin can catch up because it does take awhile. I hate to say it but some of this is just a time issue, but exercising and getting those strong muscles underneath the skin definitely helps. You also might want to research a little more about what helps the elasticity of the skin. Just a suggestion.
P.S. In the first picture, your legs look really skinny! I still think you look amazing!

Tony said...

If you want to get "toned", you should look into strength training. A lot of women avoid it because they think it will make them bulky, which is completely untrue.

Once Upon A Dieter said...

The body you envision is, I think, in the details, slightly unrealistic. Why? All thighs sploosh out when you sit or lean. I have seen a model at the studio lean against the side barrel, and this is a professional model--long, sleek, toned--and her thighs spread out. That's just what happens. Only truly underweight starvation people don't have anything to spread.

But being toned and muscular--that's doable. You may have to commit about 2 hours a day to it, because that's what the toned women out there, the Madonnas of the world, commit. About 2 hours a day to strenuous workouts that incorporate aerobics and muscle-building training. But they do it.

That means if you want it, girll, go for it. Set aside your hour in the am and hour in the pm with a master plan that targets all the areas. I totally believe that if what you envision is strength and muscle, you CAN have it.

But I worry when I hear you don't want thighs that spread or strain in jeans. That's what thighs do. And I don't want you moving into body dysmorphia. Thighs and butts jiggle. They're kinda supposed to. :)

But I totally support your dream if it's about health and muscle, and not just about being immovable.

You have the willpower and vision to do it. I totally believe it.

And I think you look good. So, try to cut your body slack, too. Even as it is now. And the previous commenter who mentioned your thighs is right. Your thighs are quite slim. You're seeing it from a different perspective as others (you are above, after all, and close-up), so don't judge them based on that view. Trust me. They're slim. And thighs aren't marble. They move, jiggle, spread on pressure. Go easy on em. :)

the P

Karyn said...

According to your description of what you see in these pictures, you need to understand that your perception is 'off'.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be as toned and strong as possible - in fact, that is a good goal.

Keep at the workouts - you are doing great there. All your work cannot help but make a difference! But it may not show up on the scale.

BTW....I know several young girls who would kill to have thighs like yours!

carla said...

Im with you and with all the above.
first? I think it is ok that you still long for a few more changes and are willing to work to get there.
I think it is GREAT that you can see that you are already some (many!) peoples GOAL WEIGHT/LOOK but that you want a bit more.
that said, I also think you cant see how fab you look.
that you have the so normal lag where you brain hasnt processed the changes yet and what you see is NOT what we do.

and I so didnt hear it as whining.
it is how you feel and, IMO, if we dont share that (somewhere anywhere) we can never process and hopefully overcome.


HollyALP said...

I can totally relate to this post although I'm not sure that I would be brave enough to post the photos. From the outside looking in I can jump on the bandwagon too and say you look fantastic. From the perspective of someone who has also come a long way, I can completely relate to wanting more. I have heard the same "Are you nuts?! Just accept what you have!" responses from friends and family alike. If my mother lectures me about being too skinny one more time... But its not about being skinny - its about being fit and healthy and knowing that being thin isn't always the epitome of healthy living - it just means you mastered eating less... well, ok, maybe not just eating less, being a little more active... but there is still more to strive for after thinness...

Wei Sic Meow said...

This was a brave thing to do, you rock! I do still think you look good and I think you are very hard on your thighs, they look pretty thin in those shorts. I do understand your frustration. We are always hardest on ourselves and see something different to what others see. It's also tough to accept when the amount of work and focus we put in doesn't seem to match the results. But it will happen. Keep up the clean eating and focus on toning and strength training and you will get the results you are working for eventually.

metro15 said...

I can't really add to what others have said, other than go easy on yourself! Losing the weight can happen quickly, but toning takes time and effort (or so I believe, I have always given up before I've reached the point where I really see benefits.) Your body is still probably trying to catch up with itself , but with consistent eating and exercise you'll get to where you want to be, I'm sure. And as everyone else said, where you are right now is great as well.

Lyn said...

That was great! I love that you posted "real" pictures like this and explained how you feel. We sure do look different without clothes, don't we??

I can see how you want to tone your middle. You do look amazing... and will feel even better about yourself when you tone up! You can do it. Strength training is a great thing.

Hanlie said...

First of all, that's a very feminine shape - the hourglass! So you're lucky there.

But, you're right, you need some sculpting and toning. That is just the next phase of your journey... And this is where you really have to forget about the scale, because when you build muscle, you'll weigh more, but you'll be leaner and more defined. My goal has always been to be lean and heavy (with muscle, not fat).

Good luck!

And well done for being so brave as to post the pics! You've come a long, long way!

Anonymous said...

hey... I haven;t checked in, in a while. So let me just say I totally missed reading all your posts!! I have a lot of catching up to do!!

Now, thats out of the way... you look so great!! I know you don't think so, and thats ok. Its always good to try to keep improving yourself. But just don't focus so much on the negative (yeah..i know... easier said than done!).

Keep doing what your doing (and maybe some more) and you'll get the rock hard body! Don't give up!

But just so you know... you do look good girl! Awesome curves! =)

Cammy said...

I think you look great as you are, but I understand that ohsohuman desire to be different.

When I said something to two of my doctors about excess skin, they both cautioned me that not nearly enough time has passed for the skin to tighten up. So hang in there and keep working!

new*me said...

I think you look great!

Try the Lotte Berke dvds........start with Basic Essentials. They are only 30 minutes and focus on the strength and definition of your core. I LOVE them! I am noticing changes already ---even under my fat layers :)

Trisaratops said...

Brilliant! That is a great place to be. I have found that Pilates really makes my abs tighter and my hips narrower even when the scale doesn't move. Since I haven't been able to exercise regularly, I've really noticed a difference in the way my body looks - I'm looser! I totally don't think you're whining - you're brave and honest and strong! Can't wait to see the "after" shots, yes?