Monday, March 2, 2009

Not what I expected

Things are not going as I had expected. Namely, February didnt go as I had planned. I dont see to be going anywhere: with both my weight and measurements.

Last week I started off the week up high at 159.8 and dropped down to 158.2 by Friday, but today Im at 158.4. I started off February at 157.6. So now I have to claim a .8 gain for the month of Feb. Sure, thats basically a maintain, but why is it so freaking hard to lose weight?

Taking a step back, I know I was going to focus on my measurements. I was pretty excited to take them yesterday, but the disapointment settled in when I saw just how little all this exercise has really done. Sure, I have lost something, but its pretty measly. I actually GAINED in both of my thighs, which is really discouraging since that is the one part of me that needs the most work.

Heres how it went, and yes it is sad:

Right arm: -.03
Left arm: -.04
Waist: -.10
Hips: -.04
Right thigh: +.03
Left thigh: +.03

Not impressive. Maybe Im being too hard on myself, but Ive been putting in a lot of work into this. I work out 5 days a week, switching between exercises that work all parts of my body: aerobics, strength, yoga, pilates, balance,etc.

I wont lie, Im really upset. I feel almost like I have nothing. I worked hard for a month, and all I have to show is a gain with my weight, and some measly losses in measurements. Why isnt anything working for me? The thing is, I could stand to be this weight. It isnt even so much about the weight. If I was at this weight and had an awesome body, I would be satisfied. And now I cant even get that awesome body that I want.

So what to do? I dont know. I thought focusing on exercise would really help my outlook on things. While I still am going to put just as much effort, if not more, into exercising, I hate to think Ill waste another month of nothing. I shouldnt weigh more 3 months after xmas than I did before xmas. Its not as if Ive done the same old thing these past 3 months either - Ive worked my ass off, switched up some of my meals, switched up some foods Ive been eating, drinking more water. All of which should just be leading me towards success. And its not, and at this point, I feel really really lost.


Once Upon A Dieter said...

In my opinion, the reason it's being so hard for you is because you are in the range you're supposed to be in. And this may be where you sit with yourself and do some self-accepting that THIS is your range and just maintain.

That may not make you happy, and I may be full of crap and all wrong, but watching this for a while now, I do think that with doing what you have (ie, eat decently, exercise well), that you are at the weight your body wants to comfortably be, and to try and go lower will be a study in ongoing frustration.

Can that be it? Think about it...

The P

Paula said...

I agree with "The P".

I think you are fighting a battle that just doesn't need to be fought. You are at a normal BMI. Maintaining is fabulous.

Maybe try to NOT jump on the scale so often. Do what you are doing to be healthy, but don't let the scale be the judge of your success. Let how you feel and how your clothes feel be the judge.

Cammy said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so lost! I wish I had some magic words for you, but I just don't. Short of seeing a nutritionist or personal trainer or some other sort of professional, I don't know how you can know what (if anything) else you might do. I was much bigger than you are when I first started exercising, so my body responded more dramatically. I think time and patience will pay off.

Oh, and my shoulders are 1/2" bigger now than they were 100 pounds ago. Go figure. :)

Achieving the Real Me said...

I have just finished reading your entire blog from the very beginning. You are such an inspiration! I realize that you are frustrated now, but I admire everything you have done and completed. It is just amazing! To a girl who is just starting out on her journey, you helped me realize that I can't give up regardless of the past weeks I have had (all my own fault).

Thank you! And I am hoping that something will happen, whether it be the scale move, inches lost or you decide you are happy where you are, I will be cheering for you!

The American Homemaker said...

I've so been there! When I lost weight in 2007 it was the first time I had really done it. I'd work and work and work and watch what I ate and I'd do everything right and nothing. The doctor couldn't figure out why. He ran all the tests and nothing.

It wasn't until I made a big lifestyle change (divorce) and freed myself of the stress of a bad marriage that I lost weight. And I did it! And I felt great. Then I got remarried, the stress came back and so did the weight.

I almost don't want to put myself through the strain of constant food management and killer work-outs after the years of it doing nothing.

So I do a half-way job, because I feel semi-better knowing I'm not putting myself out there so I'm not really losing. Anyways... sorry for the blabber.

carla said...

man I wish I had magic words as well.

To end your frustration & help you to feel less lost.

reading and rereading the post made ME wonder:

define the awesome body you want.

do a post on that.

perhaps you are closer to being there than you think.

Wei Sic Meow said...

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated, but don't be so hard on yourself hon. The reason you have only seen what you consider measly losses in your measurements is because you have already lost so much. And it's true your body might be comfortable at this weight now. Sometimes also, the mere stress of this could be affecting your body. Just do what you're doing and try not to think about the numbers (including time) so much.

And it pains me to hear you talk about wanting an awesome body. I would love to have a body like yours right now. Your pictures are such an inspiration.

I hope you feel better soon.

Karyn said...

I'm so sorry you are seeing such "measely" results, Heather. You are working hard, it is plain to see. It is understandable that you would feel frustrated.

I have been admiring your tenacity for quite some time, now. You do not give up - even in the face of frustration. You are a good example for the rest of us.

Your readers have offered some good advise...inluding redefining the awesome body you want. I'd even suggest you go so far as to thinking about what you wanted your life to look like when you began this endeavor. Could it be you are there and you don't even realize it?

new*me said...

as you know I am kind of where you are right now. No matter how hard I try, nothing is happening on the scale and I'm still 60 lbs from goal.

It takes a shift in your thinking to start realizing it's not about a number or even a size, a look, or a body part. Eating healthy and exercising has made you healthier inside and out.............NO ONE can take that away from you! You did this for yourself.........your body is so much better for it. Toss the scale, the tape---do you feel better than you did 50 lbs ago? If the answer is yes, you are already there.

Trisaratops said...

Oy! Ditto, ditto, ditto. I am so sorry to see you in a hurt place. I think the best thing you're doing is changing up your routine, doing a range of exercises. You WILL see results - it just might take longer than a month. I absolutely believe in you and I can relate to your frustration. You have done so well - don't give up!