Saturday, May 3, 2008

A loss

Well I was too busy after work to write last night, but I weighed in .2 less than I did all week, so I will take it! Sure, not a large loss I was hoping for, but its still a loss. I am not really sure why this week was so slow in regards to my weight loss. I was on plan, have exercised, and have done everything that I needed to do.

Last night my boyfriend and I had plans to go out with our friends. Our best friends are married to each other, and they have a child so they rarely get to go out and hang out with us. They got a babysitter so we were excited to go out and be "normal" 25-26 year olds for an evening. Just about nothing went right! My boyfriend and I went to the restaurant we were going to meet them at and put our names on the list. We still hadnt heard from our friends. We were seated and finally they said the babysitter showed up and that they should be leaving. We waited 40 min and still hadnt heard anything. Finally called us to say that they were only then just leaving. My boyfriend and I were pretty furious, so we went ahead and ate dinner without them. We were just getting our check when they showed up. The plan was to go out to a bar that was nearby, so my boyfriend and I headed over there while they had their dinner.The rest of the evening was fun, which is all that matters. We were just upset that our one evening out with our friends didnt go so well. I also had some things at the restaurant I shouldnt have eaten, but I was starving waiting for our friends and just wasnt thinking of my own best interests.

I was also kind of discouraged when we were out at this bar. Most days, I look at myself and think, I look great! But then I go out and think that now, even after 45 pounds lost, I still am fat compared to the majority of people out there. Looking at all these girls in their tight jeans and tops, I just felt like I was kidding myself to think that I really looked thin. I know I have already mentioned that I dont think I will stop my weight loss at 160, that I will probably continue on to 150. Now I just feel like, will that ever be enough? Since I was thin and 18, the standards of what is thin has definitely changed and I dont think that even then I will really look thin.

I know that its not about just being thin or fat. Its about health as well. I know that and Im not discrediting that at all. I just felt my first surge of disapointment because man I have worked my ass off at this! And to still see that compared to other girls my age, Im still fat, makes me feel as if I will never actually be considered thin.


ashley said...

The friends thing wold really bug me too. I'm glad the rest of the night was fun!

I totally understand your thoughts, especially when looking at other people in the room. My whole family (the women) average about 5'6" and are really, really tiny. They never work out and maintain the same size. I am 5'9" (your height) and more athletic. So even though I am fit and at a healthy weight for my height, I will always be bigger than them.

What helped me is watching other people of different sizes. Some people weigh more, but that weight looks great on them! And some people weigh less but have a bit of chub. Just remember there's so much more to consider: build, bones, muscle..

I bet you looked great last night!

Hanlie said...

Well this is where we have to accept our body shape. Some girls are beanpoles and others, like me, are statuesque. I have big feet and hands, wide hips, full breasts and broad shoulders. By all means, lose your excess weight - you have already - and celebrate who you are. I'm never going to be the girl who gets carried over the threshold, or gets to sit on my husbands shoulders at a concert. But I love my strong, powerful body that won't get blown away by a strong gust of wind either. In fact, I think it's drop-dead gorgeous!

Cammy said...

Congrats for adding yet another loss to your tally!

I understand the frustration with the comparison thing. What I've come to realize, though, (for myself, of course) is that I'm usually the only one doing the comparing. :) Most people I know think I look great, and other people tend not to notice me at all. I'll probably always feel like the biggest kid on the block, but that doesn't make it reality. :)

Glad you had a fun night out!

Crystal said...

First of all, congratulations to you for all your weight loss success so far...don't forget how far you have come. It's quite an achievement.

Second, remember that how you feel about your body is most important. I try to live my the motto: Never compare. We are all different shapes and sizes and, I think, it's for the good. Yes, you may not be stick thin but would you really want to be? I look at them and think, no muscle tone, no body definition at all. You have worked your body into a well-oiled machine and seem dedicated to continuing to process. Try not to get disappointed and just keep working hard. Your body will let you know when it's reached it's "happy weight."

Chin up!

Trisaratops said...

honey, you need to focus on your success! I hope you can revel in the way you have changed your body and improved your health. We can compare ourselves to other women all day long, and all it does is make us crazy! I think you should be so proud of yourself and if you want to go lower, then do so. But at 5'9", you are a healthy weight. I think you look fantastic. Maybe treating yourself to a new outfit or two that flatter your figure would make yourself feel good. Good luck, babe!

Grumpy Chair said...

The girl in that photo on your sidebar does NOT LOOK FAT! And the camera always adds 10 pounds.

Katy said...

I understand you! But....if you really get to know some of those girls....they don't ever eat! I swear! All they do is eat salads and wear skinny jeans...I will pass on that!

40 by 40 said...

congrats on another loss..glad you had a night out that ended up fun..there will always be people who are thinner, richer, prettier..blah blah..Let's celebrate what you have accomplished and how far you have come!

Scale Junkie said...

Congrats on another great loss!

First of all you have to stop comparing yourself to others. I posted pictures of myself in high school, I wore a size 18 and thought I was the biggest cow in the universe because I was comparing myself to my size 5 best friend. So many things factor into our size and shape, you have to love and embrace who you are, your BF loves you as is, clearly he has wonderful taste!

betsy said...


All through my twenties I did exactly what you are doing now. I have gained abou 20 pounds since then, and I am working on losing it.

I remember comparing myself to others, and thinking I was SO big during that time period. Do you know, now I look back at pictures of those days, and realize what I beautiful person I was (and am) - I truly looked better (and skinnier) than I gave myself credit for. (ps, I am 5'9" also - maybe it's a height thing).

You have to let go of that "perfect ideal" - which is hard... I struggle with it everyday.

You are Beautiful... and you have worked hard... and like someone else posted... I bet you DID look great last night!


Laura N said...

Yay for your loss! And girl, I totally 100% understand where you are coming from. And I hate feeling like a fat girl, even when I'm wearing a size 8 jeans.

My husband's niece Kate is gorgeous, a year older than me, and 30 pounds lighter than I am (she's my height). Even though I've lost 55 pounds, I still feel huge next to her. And she's so adorable and doesn't make me feel bad about myself at all--on the contrary, she's nothing but encouraging. It's just tough to see what 125 pounds looks like on a 5'5'' frame, and I'm still no where near skinny at 155 pounds.

One thing I've been trying to tell myself this past 8 months since I hit this weight is, this is not the end. It's the beginning. My body isn't done being worked on just because I'm at this weight. And yes, if you want to lose more, you can. Don't forget that keeping it off is just as hard as losing it. You really have a new mission once you hit goal--to keep it off and make your body get better and better. You're young! You've got years and years to keep making yourself feel and look as good as it can get.

Lora said...

When you get into the comparison trap you'll always end up feeling crummy. We're all different and that's okay! Just focus on being healthy and feeling good about yourself. There will always be someone thinner than you - but there will always be someone heavier too! 45 pounds lost is a lot of weight Heather! Revel in that!

Carleen said...

don't be so hard on yourself!!! you look great... you've worked very hard and deserve to enjoy it :)