Saturday, February 16, 2008


Week 29 and while I havent weighed in since Wed, I hope that I am doing pretty well. It bothers me that I dont know where I stand with my weight, but I like to stick to my set way of doing things, and we will see on Monday where I am at.

Valentines day was really nice. My boyfriend sent me flowers at work and they were very beautiful. Yes, I am one of those girls that gets flowers at work. Honestly, I just think its a nice gesture on behalf of my boyfriend. Later on that night, we went out to dinner at a winery they have nearby (that I used to work at actually). We did a winetasting, and then had a great meal and even better conversation. I stayed pretty well on plan. I had steak (which I know would have caused me to be up yesterday on the scale anyways), steamed broccoli, a small bite of the mashed potatoes, and 2 glasses of wine. Then we shared a peach bellini sorbet for dessert, which was so delicious and light. Much better than getting something like the tiramisu or chocolate lava cake. I ended up being quite drunk (so did he), but it was a fun time. I paid the price yesterday as I woke up with a hangover and was chugging water all day and craving some grease. I miss the "hangover breakfasts" I had in college. But definitely not something the "new" healthy me would eat.

Yesterday was kind of rough in regards to my parents being here. Not necessarily foodwise, but just in general. After work, I met my parents at the hospital where my grandpa is. When I walked in the room, everyone made comments about how much weight I have lost. That was fine, its nice to be appreciated for the hard work. But then my grandma would just not drop the whole thing. Making it sound like I am starving myself. It was making me uncomfortable how much she was scrutinizing me. Later on, we went back to my grandmas house and she made manicotti for dinner. Not the best option, but I was able to make it work. I had a small salad and then 1 tube of manicotti. However, I also had a piece of garlic bread which was going over what I allot myself for the day. My grandma has also made a chocolate valentines day cake (God knows why), and tried to push that on me. I said to her many times that I didnt want it, and she had to keep going on and on about the "healthy" me, and saying "when did you care so much about eating healthy". It was actually really offensive. She said, well I have healthy food, here, eat an apple. I said, no I am not hungry anymore.

Then my mom says to me, well I hope you are not taking this to the extreme. Meaning, please dont end up like your sister. Now, I can see why she would be concerned because my sister has an eating disorder and I can understand why she may be concerned about this. But I in no way look like my sister, and I eat and function like a person without an eating disorder. Because I have lost some weight, now suddenly this is an eating disorder?

For years since I gained weight, all I have heard from my mom is how unhealthy I am and how she worries about me. She stopped ever taking me shopping or anything so she wouldnt have to go in the plus size stores. However now I am losing weight and becoming a healthy individual at 171 pounds, and I have to get a lecture on how I am going to the extreme!?! The thing is, my body is doing this naturally. I give it food, healthy unprocessed food, and its doing this on its own. Before, I was giving it crap. That is why I was fat. Now I am eating as people should eat (balanced, in moderation, and with unprocessed foods), and people are suprised the weight comes off? Well Im not! When you give your body what it needs, it responds. It is so offensive to me that I have to endure an evening of scrutiny of my body and my food choices, after years of scrutiny about my weight and being plus size, and its still not good enough!

Only then to come home at midnight, find my carbon monoxide detector is once again going off (this happened a month ago and was replaced with a new battery and unit), and the maintenance man was pissed he was woken up and didnt want to do jackshit about it. I had to call my boyfriend, who drove over here to buy me a new battery and replace it to make sure it was just the battery and not carbon monoxide flooding my apartment. Finally went to bed at 2am.

And thats my life.


Poonie said...

I know what you mean, there are always people who will tell you you're being too extreme by turning down foods and then even "You're looking sick, are you sure you're eating enough and getting enough nutrients?". It can be frustrating when you are eating all the right things and in fact, are getting plenty more nutrients than you used to when you ate more but ate badly, but you just have to be strong and not let it get to you, even though you feel like you just can't win. I tend to find myself repeating (practically chanting!) "No thanks, I'm not hungry...I'm really not hungry but thank you...It looks great but I'm not hungry..."

Hang in there!

Katy said...

Sorry about the tough day!

People are always going to have their own issues! Just keep dealing with yours and let them deal with their own!

Hanlie said...

Whenever YOU change, you change the status quo for everyone in the family. And they don't like it one bit - people are generally resistant to change. Most families like to have their "boxes" for each person, and woe betide you if you try and climb out of your box! They will try and sabotage you.

The trick here is to really let it roll of your back. Don't get angry, don't get defensive, don't internalize it, because it's not about you. It's about them and their comfort zones. Put everything they say to the test. Is this true? No, it's not, so I don't have to worry about it one single minute.

Depending on how well you handle that, later on you can gently say that you are healthy and happy and that you would like them to be happy for you too, but if they can't, you will appreciate it if they refrain from discussing this with you. It's called boundaries, and when we can set them up properly, people generally respect them.

I'm going into this much detail, because I have criticism issues with my family, as does a very good fried of mine. We suffered for years, but since we've put reasonable boundaries in place, we can spend time with our families without suffering for weeks afterwards!

Good luck!

Grumpy Chair said...

Girl, though I am probably old enough to be your "young aunt", I so identify with your family thing and the comments.

I too, have a sister (she is 8 years younger then me) dealing with an eating disorder and she has had it off and on since high school.

I was never fat until after my son's (who is now 11) birth and my dad has no problem telling me I am fat and unhealthy while they keep mum about my little sister's weight for fear she will get mad at them.

When I lost 30 pounds at the end of 2006 (down to 167) everyone made comments and some just couldn't say a nice one sentence compliment - they had to go on and on until it was uncomfortable.

Just don't do what I did - eat my way back up 15 pounds because of the discomfort I felt with the attention.

Hope you have a great weekend - and can you call the gas company to come out and check to make sure you don't have a leak somewhere?

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Lidian said...

That sounds like my mother was, and my father still is. Hard to get it just right for them isn't it?

Merry said...

Geez - you have to choose between listening to people complaining about your weight and that Jason guy spamming you about extra cash :(

I don't know why it's so hard for family to be supportive about body issues.

My sister chided me for years about needing to lose weight. One dreadful year (several friends & relatives died) I lost a lot of weight, went down to size 6. The year after I gained most of it back and my sister went right back to bitching. But when I was thin? Silence.

(Well, actually she bitched about my needing to finish school, find a good job, the right man. But she didn't complain about the weight.)

I recommend a good pair of ear plugs :)

Scale Junkie said...

WOW, family can be so judgmental, they say things they would never dream of saying to someone else all under the guise of meaning well. I can understand where they are coming from but don't let their misguided words derail your efforts. From everything you've written you've found the balance between diet and life and thats wonderful

40 by 40 said...

Hey there-It sounds like a lovely Valentine's Day..that's great. always easy. It's good that you understand where your mom is coming from...considering your sister and all..sounds like this could be the cause for the worries/overreaction. You are doing great and feeling great--so try to enjoy and not let it get to you.

Trisaratops said...

Hi Heather! Yeesh- that's rough, I'm so sorry that you have to defend yourself. I hope you can remember that you're doing the right things for the right reasons. And I agree with Hanlie - people make negative comments when they feel threatened by change. And we're all here for you cheering you on!