Friday, March 13, 2009

Self Image

A good scale today - down to 157.2 which is 1.6 less than Wednesday. Friday is definitely my low day. I was still hoping to see that 156 again, but Im close enough.

I tracked a few more days, and it does look like I am coming up just a few hundred calories short of where Im supposed to be. Some days this isnt as much as others depending on what I eat. So I guess next week I will try to fit in an extra healthy snack here and there. Ill admit Im nervous about it, because normally you think youll eat more and maintain or gain. I know that if I went into the maintenance portion of my the LAWL program, I would be eating more, so I guess I feel slightly uncomfortable eating more with hopes of gaining weight. But its just a test to see and I know that if I do start gaining, Ill cut back again.

Ive been trying really hard to look at my body lately and see it how it really is. I think my self image is way off. The other day I got a friend request on Facebook from a high school friend. I accepted and proceeded to do what everyone does - look to see how they are doing and of course, compare themselves to them (I do anyways!). This friend wasnt obese or anything in high school, but she was definitely the heaviest of our friends. I checked out her pictures and she looks great! And by great, I dont mean that she dropped down to a small small size, but she has lost some weight. I was looking at her, and realized that she is probably about the same size and proportions that I am now. It got me to thinking about how hard I am on myself. Here I am thinking how great someone else looks when I too have a body like that. Its not the skinniest, but it looks healthy and proportionate. I am almost admiring what I have, and the reason is that I just cannot see what I have.

I dont really know how I go about changing myself image. Dont get me wrong - sometimes I look at myself and really like how I look. But other times I still look at myself and think that I dont look much different than when I was heavier. I know thats silly because looking at pictures, its quite obvious I dont look the same. I dont always feel like I see myself the way I really am. I am my own worst critic, and rather than looking in the mirror and liking what I see, I am so much harder on myself than I am looking at someone who has a body just like mine. Again, I am not sure how to really change this. Ive always been a perfectionist and while this has served me well in my professional life, personally its not the best quality to have. I need to really see myself and work past the issues I have with my self image. I guess I will have to do some researching around on the 'net to get some thoughts on how to change this.

11 comments:

Tony said...

Hey, I'm in the same boat. I still am not satisfied with the way I look, but it's so much better than before. I guess we just gotta learn to accept ourselves for who we are---as trite as that sounds.

Cammy said...

I remember walking into Dillard's one day (about this time last year, as a matter of fact) and seeing the reflection in the plate glass windows of another woman walking toward the store. I had been a little impatient with the weight loss and not happy with how I looked, and I remember thinking, "If I could just be her size, I'd be happy."

You probably know how this ends. When I got closer to the door, I could see that the woman in the reflection was ME. LOL (Guess I "got told", as the saying goes.)

Whenever I get to fussing over my appearance, I think about that day. I suspect we will ALWAYS have days of discontent, but we have to accept that we mostly look pretty darn good. :) Keep working on it; it will happen.

(Pssst! My feedburner thingie isn't working, but I wanted to let you know I'm having a cookbook giveaway. Yes, ME!) TippyToeDiet

loseweightnowegould said...

Great blog!!

Bunny Trails said...

You are so close to that number! I'm so happy to hear a scale being nice to someone this week :) Way to go!

You know, it is amazing how skewed our self image gets.... I remember back when I was in high school, I was obsessed about being smaller (I was already a size 6). I was in a store buying a prom dress and picking all of these larger size dresses. The sales woman (who I thought was so skinny and gorgeous) looked at me and said "you are the same size as me - get a 6). I was floored. I can't even tell you what my image is now.... it's sad. Judging from your pics on your blog - you are gorgeous! If you can't believe it for yourself just yet - let us be your eyes. You are!!
Have a great night!

metro15 said...

We all have days where we feel pretty good about ourselves and days where we don't feel so good about ourselves - no matter how big or small we are! I think the first step is recognizing the negative thoughts, which you have already done, and then it's a case of keeping them in check when you have them. Not always easy to do, but I think the more you banish those thoughts, the easier it gets.

new*me said...

it will be a slow process but I'm sure when you least expect it, something will click and it will just happen. Not trying to push motherhood on you or anything ;) but I have to say when I became a mother a lot of the things I used to worry about became not so important anymore. It grounded me and made me see the whole picture more clearly---a lot more self-less. If that is something in your future some day, it's possible that could help at some point :)

Chubby Chick said...

Psst... there's something for you over at my blog. :)

Wei Sic Meow said...

Oh Heather. This is what we have been telling you for so long. You are beautiful and you don't see it! We are our own worst critics indeed.

The American Homemaker said...

I think women are hard on themselves in all aspects of our lives. It's just our nature :(

Achieving the Real Me said...

I agree with the other comments - we are so much harder on ourselves (by the way, I do the compare thing on facebook as well). To me, you are creating the weight loss path that so many of us are just starting on. Wish I had more insights for you, but I think you are doing great. Self-image is a hard thing to figure out. I can't wait to find out what you learn.

Doug said...

There are good days and bad days.

Just realize you are a bada$$ and you will get a lot more confident and think you look hot :) OR something like that, anyway.