Well I weighed in the same as Wed, 165.8. On one hand, Im disapointed that I really didnt lose any weight this week. Actually I am up .2 from last week. On the other hand, its not a gain, and I have been warned that it gets harder and harder to lose as you get closer to goal. Hopefully next week I will see a good loss. I will probably have to work extra hard this weekend to get that exercise in and eat well.
I went to the mall after work today to look for some new jeans. I am getting really tired of that "saggy butt" look with my jeans, so I knew I should get at least one pair of nice jeans that I feel good in. I ended up at Torrid, which is a plus size clothing store that I still like going into for jeans. While I can get jeans at other stores now that carry size 14, I love that Torrid has designer jeans in bigger sizes. I went in there and not a single sales person (and there were 3 of them and no other customers in the store) came up to me to say hello or ask if I needed help. I went into a fitting room to try the jeans on and I heard a sales person looking at something and saying, "I dont want to look in the mirror, its bad!".
It was kind of surreal because a year ago, that would have been me. First, I know I would have went in there and had a lot of attention from the sales people. Now I know that they think I dont belong in there, and in some senses I dont. I was very friendly to the girl who rang me up and I hope I showed her that I come to their store not because of the sizes, but because of the products in it. I was disapointed that I received no help at all this time around. Second, I used to hate looking in the mirror and trying on clothes. I wanted to say to this girl, you dont have to feel that way!..because I used to and I did something about it and I am so much happier. I know that not everyone desires to be thin or not everything feels that way, but to hear someone say that, I no longer relate.
I used to latch onto anything...a book, movie, song, plus size model, because it felt like, ok finally someone knows what it feels like to be me. But I realized today that I no longer feel like that. While I am certainly not what one would call "thin" and I certainly do not identify as feeling that way, I also dont feel like I identify with those who are overweight and hate how they feel and do nothing about it or try to accept it. Its different here in blogland because I read blogs of those who are so different from myself in terms of age, race, size, country, etc., yet I relate because we are all going through the same struggle together. While some of us struggle more than others and some have reached success sooner, we all believe that we can be healthy and want to strive for that, even if it takes us years. To hear someone in a fitting room, as young as probably 20 something, talk about hating themselves, I no longer felt like I could relate, I felt like saying, why dont you do something about it? I am proof that you dont have to feel that way. It is hard for me to understand why people would anymore.
Dont get me wrong, I know its hard and I know some people are not ready. Its just kind of eye opening to realize that I no longer identify with those who are overweight yet dont want to change or those who feel like they are part of something because they are overweight and that finding others like them will make it ok. It wasnt ok for me as much as I tried to make being overweight ok. I just wish others would realize that as well that it is possible.