Friday, April 11, 2008

The Same

Well I weighed in the same as Wed, 165.8. On one hand, Im disapointed that I really didnt lose any weight this week. Actually I am up .2 from last week. On the other hand, its not a gain, and I have been warned that it gets harder and harder to lose as you get closer to goal. Hopefully next week I will see a good loss. I will probably have to work extra hard this weekend to get that exercise in and eat well.

I went to the mall after work today to look for some new jeans. I am getting really tired of that "saggy butt" look with my jeans, so I knew I should get at least one pair of nice jeans that I feel good in. I ended up at Torrid, which is a plus size clothing store that I still like going into for jeans. While I can get jeans at other stores now that carry size 14, I love that Torrid has designer jeans in bigger sizes. I went in there and not a single sales person (and there were 3 of them and no other customers in the store) came up to me to say hello or ask if I needed help. I went into a fitting room to try the jeans on and I heard a sales person looking at something and saying, "I dont want to look in the mirror, its bad!".

It was kind of surreal because a year ago, that would have been me. First, I know I would have went in there and had a lot of attention from the sales people. Now I know that they think I dont belong in there, and in some senses I dont. I was very friendly to the girl who rang me up and I hope I showed her that I come to their store not because of the sizes, but because of the products in it. I was disapointed that I received no help at all this time around. Second, I used to hate looking in the mirror and trying on clothes. I wanted to say to this girl, you dont have to feel that way!..because I used to and I did something about it and I am so much happier. I know that not everyone desires to be thin or not everything feels that way, but to hear someone say that, I no longer relate.

I used to latch onto anything...a book, movie, song, plus size model, because it felt like, ok finally someone knows what it feels like to be me. But I realized today that I no longer feel like that. While I am certainly not what one would call "thin" and I certainly do not identify as feeling that way, I also dont feel like I identify with those who are overweight and hate how they feel and do nothing about it or try to accept it. Its different here in blogland because I read blogs of those who are so different from myself in terms of age, race, size, country, etc., yet I relate because we are all going through the same struggle together. While some of us struggle more than others and some have reached success sooner, we all believe that we can be healthy and want to strive for that, even if it takes us years. To hear someone in a fitting room, as young as probably 20 something, talk about hating themselves, I no longer felt like I could relate, I felt like saying, why dont you do something about it? I am proof that you dont have to feel that way. It is hard for me to understand why people would anymore.

Dont get me wrong, I know its hard and I know some people are not ready. Its just kind of eye opening to realize that I no longer identify with those who are overweight yet dont want to change or those who feel like they are part of something because they are overweight and that finding others like them will make it ok. It wasnt ok for me as much as I tried to make being overweight ok. I just wish others would realize that as well that it is possible.


40 by 40 said...

You gotta be ready to make the change..we all know it...and what's crazy about it is that WE ACTUALLY have control over it..unlike other things that we can't change.
Did you get jeans? How bout the gap? old navy? Nordstrom?
So funny about the comment you left b/c you know what..I saw DUCKS everywhere today..everywhere..on busy strip now I'm like..maybe it wasn't all that big of a deal...but it was fun at the moment. Have a great weekend.

Anonymous said...

have a great weekend!
and about what you wrote: some people are just not ready like we weren't someday.

one month ago, i was in pain, in a couch, swollen hands, heartburns.
and it wasn't easy to change that situation. you guys have helped me to START doing something for myself and it's kind of funny how we are so far from each other and i feel like we are so close, because of this similar journey...

i don't weight much, as i told before, bu my health is not that great and the way i used to eat is the reason why i was so terribly sad.

now, eating right and trying to do some exercise (i started walking), i am a better person and, as you, i want everybody to be like i am, like we are... but unfortunatelly, they need to take their times.
like we took ours.



Anonymous said...

oh, i forgot.

the only thing i HATE being so far from you guys who help me in every single post is not being able to try and buy all the recipes and products you give advice about.
i've been dreaming about PAM.

but in my country we have such greats options too. this is the place to eat health (and fresh).


brusk again.

Pattie said...

What an insightful post, Heather. My, how things have changed, eh?And good luck with those jeans!

PS - When you have a minute, head over to my blog and cast your vote... :-)

Felicia said...

OK first off your post title doesn't fit your post lol because you are for sure NOT the same. ( ok your weight was but this was a wonderful post about how different you are now =0)

Secondly... I couldn't agree with you more! I read the post shaking my head up and down saying YES YES YES! That is exactly how I feel. I no longer see myself as a overweight person. Yes I am not "thin" by others standards but I am not so sure "thin" is what we should be striving for anyways. I mean what does "thin" mean anyways. To me it means, happy, healthy, living. I still have a few pounds to go till "goal" but I feel "THIN" today! I walk through the stores now and although I can commiserate with those I see that are overweight I find it incredibly frustrating that they don't seem to want to do anything about it. I want to shout "Its so worth it, life is amazing when you are small enough to enjoy it". And of course by small I mean healthy not tiny. I want to tell them to PLEASEEEEEEEEE not stay the way they are and there are options to getting out of it. No matter how they do it, to just do something.

As for accepting being overweight. I firmly believe that anyone that is obese or especially morbidly obese is LYING when they say "I am happy the way I am and with who I am". There is NO WAY to be happy when your body is rebelling against you. I am sure other will disagree but thats my take on it.

But of course we cant do that. Like you said. Everyone has to make their own way when they are ready. I guess I would just like to drag everyone along with me to being thinner and healthier and happier.

GREAT post!

Felicia =0)

Felicia said...

Opps ok not sure why that past part is out of line with the others lol it was supposed to be "But of course we cant do that" meaning we cant say anything to anyone because its not our place...

Anyways you know what I mean LOLOL.

Felicia =0)

HappyBlogChick said...

Isn't it a strange experience to look at yourself and see the mental shifts ... they happen so gradually and then BOOM we have changed!

I know what you mean about wanting to be able to bottle up the motivation and knowledge and desire and stick-to-it-ness and belief that it can be done. Can you imagine - we'd make millions.

BTW, thanks for stopping by and welcoming me back. It means a lot. I love seeing that you're doing well. And by the way, you should know that when I opened your blog for the first time in a week or two I saw your picture and thought "Wow, I forgot how attractive she his - she is SO pretty." You are! It's a treat to see your smiling face when I stop by your blog!

Anonymous said...

cool! you are sooo lucky, only 5 pounds to go. :) If I were you I think I would be shouting of the roofs.

Cammy said...

It is a little like being a religious convert, isn't it? :)
Or maybe an Amway salesperson.

I don't see myself as fat or thin, which is good because I really am neither of those things. I think I just see myself as "doing something". We can only hope that others will want the same thing and figure out a way to do it.

Excellent post, Heather.

Poonie said...

This was an insightful post.

Did you get the right jeans? I am going to be in the States next month and plan to shop for a pair of good a smaller size than last time. :-) So Torrid is a good place to hit huh?

By the way, I was catching up on blogs I've missed for a week or so and am so excited to learn that you are only 5 lbs from goal. You go girl!

ashley said...

This post was beautiful.

How great are the jeans? Congratulations on ALL of your progress!

Bev said...

Great post Heather! Sorry I've not been by in a while but glad to hear that you are 5 pounds from goal! =0 Hope you have a wonderful week!

Scale Junkie said...

This just shows how far you've come, not only has your body changed, your mental outlook has too. I think that there are people who just aren't ready to do what it takes. Yes they want to lose weight but there is so much more to losing weight than just wanting to lose weight.

I think you're doing GREAT!!