Sunday, February 10, 2008

Would you be offended...

Would you be offended if your friend who has lost a lot of weight asked you if you wanted some of her old clothes?

I need some honest opinions here. I have a bunch of clothes that dont fit me anymore. They are really nice clothes..some designer jeans and some really cute tops. I could of course donate them which is what will happen if I dont ask my friend if she wants them. But I am afraid that if I ask her, she will get offended.

Now its not as if Im asking any overweight person if they want some plus size clothes..I am asking my best friend. However I know that to some, it may be offensive that someone who is losing weight is offering her "fat" clothes, implying that she would probably fit in them, thereby indicating that she too, is fat.

So what do you think?

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had that happen to me. I was losing weight. (I have gone from a size 28/30 to a now size 12) A coworker was also losing weight... going from a size 14 to I don't know what... anyway at the time, she gave me several of her size 14 clothes. Personally I appreciated it much.

I gave most of my really big clothes to my sister, who also appreciated it. As I lost weight and went to smaller sizes, I did give most to salvation army. I gave some to my sister who sells things on ebay... many of the size 18/20s were like new, because I wasn't in that size very long. Consignment shops are also a good place to go.

Shannon said...

Maybe you can tell her you are getting ready to donate a lot of clothes and ask if she has anything she wants to donate as well. Mention that you have some nice items and ask her if she knows anyone who might want them. Maybe she will speak up if she is interested.

HappyBlogChick said...

I've done that with my friends, and they weren't offended at all, they were grateful. I did position it as "I'm going to donate these, but they're nice - do you want to look through them first?"

In reality I might have put them in a consignment shop, but I really wanted my friends to have them if they wanted them. And they did ... I think they were just grateful they didn't have to pay for them (it always stinks buying clothes when you're not the weight you want to be, right?).

Merry said...

I agree with Shannon and HBC -- you could ask her if she wanted to look through the clothes. That way it's not so much you giving her something (which some people think is a form of charity/pity) but her decided to take something (much harder to get offended).

Hanlie said...

Yes, that is excellent advice you've received so far! If your friend is anything like me, she would have asked by now! My friend visited me yesterday and she's lost quite a bit of weight and I outright asked her if I could have a look through her stuff! I have a wedding coming up and I don't have anything to wear and since I'm losing I don't want to buy new clothes either. My friend has lovely designer Plus Size clothes, so I'm having a peek next weekend!

jb said...

I agree with everyone here. I think it will be fine, as long as you approach it the right way. If you emphasize that the clothes are way too big for you and how much weight you've lost, I think your friend could feel badly about her own weight. However, if you do it casually and ask her to look through the clothes because you're going to donate them, I think she would just be appreciative. Good luck.

Jan B said...

I have never been offended when things have been handed down to me. But I know some who are, I guess it depends upon where a person is in their own personal growth and their image of themselves.

If she is tender about her finances or has a sense of herself as unworthy she might be upset, personally, I have never been. People share. I love to share and I love to have others share with me.

Trisaratops said...

I was going to say what JB said! If you say "I'm going to give away these clothes, but I'd rather give them to someone I love first, rather than Goodwill, do you want to look through them?" rather than "My ass is just too tiny now to fit in these. Do you want them?" there should be no problem. :) I'm kidding there, I know you wouldn't say that. You could also throw in a "I thought this top/jeans would look really cute on you." as well. You just can't emphasize why you're giving them away. I would appreciate it, because I have clothes that are too big, and I can't afford to buy new things every 10 pounds,so it would be great to get cute stuff for free!

MB said...

I don't think she would be offended as long as you don't say "do you want my fat clothes?" I would ask if she wants to go through some of the stuff you are planning to donate. I think she'll be thankful. Gook luck.

Scale Junkie said...

I wouldn't be offended at all. You've been given lots of good advice. She is your friend, she knows you've lost weight she is going to know why you are getting rid of them. I would just say you are spring cleaning and ask her if she wants to look through them or if she knows of anyone who might need them.

Kate said...

Having just asked my daughter for her clothes that are too big, I know I personally wouldn't be offended. LOL I know she was more upset than I was ;)

I think it's fine to ask her if she wants any of it. I know at any size I appreciate being thought of and saving a little money.

Grumpy Chair said...

I never had anyone get offended when I offered them clothes after losing weight. Unless your friend is "touchy" I doubt she will be offended.

Mary said...

I have never been in that situation because all my friends are smaller than me. I think if you do it right it wouldn't be offensive, like mentioning you are going to donate them and asking if she wants anything. Since they are really nice clothes i doubt she would be offended.

Wow, I just realized someone did this the other day and asked my friend if they wanted something but then asked me. I ended up taking it, but I guess I don't even recognize the fact that now Im at the normal size where other people's clothes might fit me. Wow, strange moment.

sybil said...

Oh, I can't WAIT for someone to offer me their cast-offs!!

I'm sure you'll offer them to her in such a way that she won't be offended. How sweet of you to be concerned - you're a good friend.

Oh, and about the comment on my blog re: denying myself certain foods - I agree with you. I think if I say "NO" then I'll just want it more and it may/will lead to a binge. So many times though, I don't really know what I want so it's hard to make a good choice. Guess I need to work harder on getting in touch with what my craving is for. Thanks for helping me see that.

40 by 40 said...

Well..this is awkward..b/c I will be the only person to say..yea..i'd be offended..I actually was. It happened to me 2x. Both times, the people who offered their clothes to me were sooooo much bigger than me and not close friends..and I was a little like, "wtf?". In girl had gastric bypass and the other lost about 80 lbs. I know they were just being nice..but it was very awkward.."Hey Susie, I just lost a ton of weight..but here--take my fat clothes"..No they didn't say that..but...that's how I felt. I was so caught off guard that I took the clothes..and donated them all to a clothing drive for Hurricane Katrina. Your situation with your friend might be different..b/c you are so close..Again..I wasn't really close with these girls..but I'm not sure if it would be different with a close friend. In my opinion, it's awkward. Maybe you can offer that she borrows something..try it on.you thought it would look good on her..then not ask for it back? Well..That's my 2 cents--I can't believe it's so different form the rest..o well.You seem very sweet and not the offending type anyway.ok--rambling. Stay warm.

Julia said...

Id be happy about the new clothes! Any girl loves new additions to the wardrobe... esp good clothes that are being chucked out because they are too big (opposed to being thrown out becuase they are worn out)/

Once Upon A Dieter said...

Not if a friend offered, no. Depends on the tone, ya know. A simple, "Look, I have some clothes here I don't wear anymore. If you want any of them, they're yours."

That way, you don't even mention weight and let them think of it as sharing. :)

Hey, me, any time I can get something nice free, I'm there. :)

The Princess

Thinking Thin said...

I wouldn't be offended, I would be thankful for getting free clothes, especially nice free clothes.

Teale said...

If I were you, I'd just casually mention in conversation to her that you have some clothes to get rid of. I'd say that you were going to donate them to goodwill, but first you wanted to see if you knew anyone that would want to look through them first. If she is about your size, I don't think that's the least bit offensive. Especially because you say this girl is your best friend.

*ccc* said...

Hey she's your best friend...I doubt she'll be upset...

But I agree with the previous posters--make it a "Hey, I'm giving these away...you wouldn't want any of these?" would you-type of thing.

No need to mention it's cause they're too big for you now. Odds are, she probably knows ;)

Ashley said...

I don't think it's a problem at all..especially if it is a close friend. in my experience, it was never a problem. But I like Shannon's idea.. saying that you are going to give it away and then asking if she'd like any.

Cherry Dolphin said...

I agree with what Shannon said... mention it almost in passing, and it would "neutralize" the conversation, if that makes sense.

Bev said...

I think it depends on the person. Some people are thin skinned and it might hurt them or wound their self esteem, whereas others would think nothing of it but hey "NEW CLOTHES!" ; )