Monday, July 20, 2009

Time to Weigh in

Ugh I really did not want to weigh in today. I had a feeling it wouldnt be good, and its not. Not to say that I ate really bad or anything over the weekend. Since last Tuesday I have been on track with food and exercise. But still, I havent weighed in in 2 weeks and some time away from the scale had me worried that some of my bad decisions would show, and indeed they have. I havent been 160 in quite some time and I seem to not be any where near 156 lately at all. Actually the last time I weighed 160 was January of this year. Not so good.

So I am disapointed with myself. I am disapointed I didnt work out during my trip. Im disapointed I ate some things i shouldnt have. Im disapointed that I didnt limit my portions at the brazillian steakhouse last Tuesday. If I had made the right choices in these scenarios, then I wouldnt be upset right now. The scale would reflect those right choices. It also scares me, because i see myself going in the wrong direction. On one hand it completely sucks that a few bad meals and the scale goes up this much which means that I can never really eat like a "normal" person. On the other hand it just goes to show that I need structure and to make the right choices all of the time because Im not someone that can have a few bad days and not see it affect me. Im going to just swallow the frustration, disapointment, and fear and just keep focusing this week on doing the best that I can. It doesnt help that I have camping this weekend and next weekend where there will be bad choices every which way. Sure Im bringing my healthy stash of food, but there will be temptations and a lack of routine, and I hate to let yet another week or even two go by and continue to see this on the scale. This isnt what Ive worked hard for months for, this isnt why I worked hard to get a good bathing suit body to only see it get mushy and fatty. I am just really angry at myself.

In other news, thanks for the comments about the last dress! It helps to know what people like about one dress or the other. Today after Ive gotten out of the moment, I find myself still drawn to dress #1. While I love both, when I think about it, I can really picture myself in the first dress. I felt more comfortable in it, and when I think about having to give up a dress, I find myself the most upset about not choosing the first dress. I also wouldnt change anything about it, while the dress that I posted yesterday I do find myself looking at certain aspects of the dress and wishing they were different. I guess thats my decision right there! I still plan on being objective and waiting for the first dress to come in so I can compare them side to side and maybe I will feel differently. But today, I think dress #1 is coming through the clear winner.


Cammy said...

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I completely understand your disappointment (have lived it and will no doubt live it again), but there is actually something very positive at work here: you are AWARE. You know cause and effects and what you have to do to maintain your loss. You know what causes problems for you and what you must do to outwit those situations. You're NOT just blindly rolling along letting the pounds pile on, and that is a very good thing.

You can't go wrong with either dress. Hey, and speaking of the dress, would a swatch of the fabric to carry with you help serve as a visual, tactile motivator for those times when temptation looms? Just a thought.

Lady Vea said...

I know how you feel, it just is crazy that we are chained to this new lifestyle forever - in that weeks of hard work yield a tiny result if anything, but one or two little mistakes sets us back leaps and bounds.

I remember in college when I was really thin (less than 7 years ago) and I ate once a day, seriously, I slept about 4 sporadic hours a night during the week and 16hours a day on the weekend.... when I did eat it was pizza, beer, and Raman noodles, and yet regardless of all these unhealthy habits, I was thin. Not any more.

You can do it, you have come so far and you are just my role model! Don't beat yourself up, just remember you cannot change yesterday, but you can change today and even tomorrow.

You look so amazing in both dresses, and you should totally go with the one you feel more comfortable in, I love the back of the first one.

Hang in there girl, you are beautiful and you are WORTH it!

Karyn said...

Hey...I haven't been around for awhile and have yet to look at the photos of the dresses - I'm excited to see them!

I think that the fact that you are so very aware of your choices and how they affect your body means that you will successfully live this lifestyle for the rest of your days.

Chubby Chick said...

I like dress #1 the best. Honestly... you look like a goddess in it! :)