I think I have reached a point where I am tired of attention being drawn to my weight loss and my healthy lifestyle. Not tired as in, tired of eating healthy or losing weight. And not tired as in, Im tired of writing in this blog. Because I am not tired of any of those things.
For the longest time I wanted people to notice my weight, and now I almost wish that people would just be quiet. Two weeks ago when my parents were here, I had to endure comments (some of them completely backhanded) all weekend long and it started to make me uncomfortable. Then today, a woman at work said, you have lost weight havent you? Nothing wrong with that, just lately, the attention has really irked me.
Not even so much with how I look, but what I eat. Sure, I have had to endure plenty of comments at lunch time, when I pull out my healthy lunch while others pull out leftover chinese food or pizza, or who eat the cheez its and m&m snacks all day. But its getting to the point where I just want people to leave what I am eating alone. I dont make comments about their lunches, so is it necessary to always make them about mine? For example, on Tues when we had the pizza, I wrote that I allowed myself one small slice. A guy I work with said, Im glad to see you eating pizza. At first I didnt know what to say, because why would someone be happy that Im eating something that is unhealthy? Why wouldnt someone be happy that I dont want to put junk in my body, because I did it for so long, and look where that got me. So I said, well I eat pizza, and he said, well its just nice to know that you eat things other than your usual healthy lunch. Then he proceeded to give me a hard time because I ate half of the serv of carrots I brought because I was full, and he said, so you have room for pizza but not for carrots? So let me get that straight...he wants me to eat pizza which is unhealthy, but then gives me a hard time for not eating my carrots in favor of some pizza?
WHY THE SCRUTINY!! I dont sit there day after day and make comments about the horribly unhealthy lunches he brings, or the fact that hes getting a spare tire around his stomach. So why do I have to sit there, in front of other coworkers, and be put on trial?
Im just tired is all. Weight loss is not something I talk publically about at work. Sure Im sure people know that I eat healthy and have lost weight. But I dont talk about it like I would on this blog, and I would prefer it to be a private thing. Just like when my boyfriends supervisor emailed me to ask me about LAWL, I was upset that he made this so public. Its my personal business and I feel like I can choose who I want to share this journey with. I also feel like what I choose to do and eat is my personal business.
Its almost like a no win situation...I was judged when I was fat any time I ate something that was junk food. People were thinking, she is fat, should she be eating that? And now Im being judged for eating healthy. ohhh she must starve herself...ohh she just be starving all the time...ohh she must never be satisfied with the healthy foods shes eating. Why cant people just accept that I eat what I want now yes because its healthy and because I want to lose weight, but I also WANT to.