Thursday, February 28, 2008

Tired

I think I have reached a point where I am tired of attention being drawn to my weight loss and my healthy lifestyle. Not tired as in, tired of eating healthy or losing weight. And not tired as in, Im tired of writing in this blog. Because I am not tired of any of those things.

For the longest time I wanted people to notice my weight, and now I almost wish that people would just be quiet. Two weeks ago when my parents were here, I had to endure comments (some of them completely backhanded) all weekend long and it started to make me uncomfortable. Then today, a woman at work said, you have lost weight havent you? Nothing wrong with that, just lately, the attention has really irked me.

Not even so much with how I look, but what I eat. Sure, I have had to endure plenty of comments at lunch time, when I pull out my healthy lunch while others pull out leftover chinese food or pizza, or who eat the cheez its and m&m snacks all day. But its getting to the point where I just want people to leave what I am eating alone. I dont make comments about their lunches, so is it necessary to always make them about mine? For example, on Tues when we had the pizza, I wrote that I allowed myself one small slice. A guy I work with said, Im glad to see you eating pizza. At first I didnt know what to say, because why would someone be happy that Im eating something that is unhealthy? Why wouldnt someone be happy that I dont want to put junk in my body, because I did it for so long, and look where that got me. So I said, well I eat pizza, and he said, well its just nice to know that you eat things other than your usual healthy lunch. Then he proceeded to give me a hard time because I ate half of the serv of carrots I brought because I was full, and he said, so you have room for pizza but not for carrots? So let me get that straight...he wants me to eat pizza which is unhealthy, but then gives me a hard time for not eating my carrots in favor of some pizza?

WHY THE SCRUTINY!! I dont sit there day after day and make comments about the horribly unhealthy lunches he brings, or the fact that hes getting a spare tire around his stomach. So why do I have to sit there, in front of other coworkers, and be put on trial?

Im just tired is all. Weight loss is not something I talk publically about at work. Sure Im sure people know that I eat healthy and have lost weight. But I dont talk about it like I would on this blog, and I would prefer it to be a private thing. Just like when my boyfriends supervisor emailed me to ask me about LAWL, I was upset that he made this so public. Its my personal business and I feel like I can choose who I want to share this journey with. I also feel like what I choose to do and eat is my personal business.

Its almost like a no win situation...I was judged when I was fat any time I ate something that was junk food. People were thinking, she is fat, should she be eating that? And now Im being judged for eating healthy. ohhh she must starve herself...ohh she just be starving all the time...ohh she must never be satisfied with the healthy foods shes eating. Why cant people just accept that I eat what I want now yes because its healthy and because I want to lose weight, but I also WANT to.

9 comments:

Chubby Chick said...

That would drive me nuts, too! It really is nobody's business but yours what you eat, you know? And it really is a personal thing. I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone in the real world. You guys here in blogland are the only ones that get to hear me rant and rave. lol

But really... it is a VERY personal issue... and people should just mind their own business. Maybe they're all feeling guilty about eating crap when they see you eating healthy now. And they're trying to put you down to make themselves feel better.

Just keep doing what you're doing, and let rude comments go in one ear and out the other. The only person that you have to answer to is YOURSELF. :)

Scale Junkie said...

I really don't know what gives people the right to comment on what you eat. If a person is overweight and they eat pizza people make comments if they lose weight and pass on the pizza people make comments. Why are people so freakin rude?

Its such a personal issue. As for blogging take a break from it for a while if you think thats what you need. Blogging should be fun and therapeutic for you, never a chore.

Bev said...

I'm a naturally sarcastic person (in a good way!) and if people did that to me, well I would have a few comebacks....I would laugh about it! Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, as the saying goes. Live each day like its your last.....you are probably just making them feel guilty that you are eating so healthy and they aren't!

If you want it to stop, sometimes you have to say something but that does come with its consequences.....

Have a great Friday!! =0

Hanlie said...

More than anything I think Americans have a problem with anyone being unique and different. I know that that is true in your schools, but I think it carries on through life. People can just not handle others who don't conform, and they marginalize them. It's not the case in the society where I live. We have such diverse cultures in one workplace, Africans, Muslims (we have a huge Muslim community in Cape Town), and a whole lot of others in between. We celebrate differences instead of deriding them. Nobody cares a hoot what or when anyone else eats.

What you are doing, looking after your health, is being perceived as threatening to other people. They know that they're eating rubbish, and they're okay with that. You eating differently makes them uncomfortable with it, partly because the secretly think that you might judge them, but also because it makes their comfort zone seem slightly less comfortable. Most people would rather be blissfully ignorant. The masses like nothing better than to bite the head off anyone who dares to stick his neck out. How dare you be different? You pioneer you! Here are some arrows in your back!

Not rising to the bait is probably the best you can do. Eat what you've been eating and make sure that they see that you're enjoying it. In their minds it's a huge sacrifice that you're making. One they're not prepared to make. But if they see that you're enjoying it, it might get them thinking that they could do it too. And that's the beauty of our lives, that we can influence people to change through our success.

As for everyone commenting about your weight, I'm with you there. When we're fat, we feel as if our fat defines us. Then we lose weight and now we feel that our weight loss defines us. I'd hate to be known as the girl who lost half her body weight. I'd much rather be known as the woman who is living a full, healthy, vibrant life.

Unfortunately we can't escape the masses... but we can strive to educate them! One at a time, if needs be.

Jan B said...

It's because it's not NORMAL not to eat pizza and McNuggets and fries and all that. It's not normal to exercise every single day. It's not normal to just drink water.

We are not the norm.

Nor do I wish to go back to that lifestyle, but it will make others - who are still killing themselves - feel better about themselves if they see that we can not sustain our own lifestyle.

What they don't realize is - it's not bad to have a piece of pizza once in a while. What's bad is always eating crap 24/7 with no care for our bodies.

You look great, by the way, and don't let anyone make you tired of knowing that you're doing good.

Lora said...

I think people comment because maybe what youre eating (health) makes them look bad for what they'r eating (not healthy!)

I'm sure it gets frustrating. Just ignore them and keep on doing what you're doing. They'll get bored eventually and find someone else to scrutinize!

B said...

Oh gosh that is just the worst. Honestly, though, these people are just jealous of your ability to control yourself and lead a healthy life.

What other reason would there be for comments? I don't think anyone, no matter how skinny, can not feel a littttttle bit guilty when they're chowing down on five piece of pizza while you're eating a salad - and they think that commenting on it will demean your efforts and make what they are doing more normal.

The good news is, it will stop. I got a lot of crap for a long time at work about my healthy eating (my boss called me salad girl for a few months) - but eventually it will be old news. You will be thing and fit and your healthy lifestyle will be something they come to expect.

Until then, screw 'em.

Trisaratops said...

I think it is key that the guy said he was relieved to see you eat pizza. Like it made him feel better that you were eating something that he wanted to eat a lot of. I get a few comments from people at work too. But usually it is just curiosity - and very supportive, rather than scrutinizing. I think you should say "Yep, this is what I'm eating, and I feel 100 times better when I eat less pizza, and more veggies. It's awesome!" Maybe if you are super upbeat and positive about how you feel when you eat good food, they will feel less inclined to say anything. But crimony, you should be able to eat in peace. I hope they have gotten it out of their system!

MB said...

Don't let them get to you. People are jealous that they are eating crap and you are doing something good for yourself instead of stuffing your face.

I know what you mean about the privacy. I don't even want people I know read my blog. It is weird how you can open yourself up more to the blog world than you can to people in your day to day life.

You should be so proud of yourself.